A love like hers

Two years ago a friend asked me how I was "holding up" with mom's cancer struggle. It was a Saturday morning and we were standing in the foyer at church.My response was simple and honest, "I don't know, how do you wait for someone to die?" 


I find myself thinking back to that day as I sit next to mom tonight. I am holding her hand and shedding silent tears as I look at her face; once so lively and full of laughter, now so pale and drawn. 


I cannot fully describe to you the extent of her current condition because I do not want you to remember her that way. She can no longer eat or sit up. She must rely on us for every need but cannot even communicate what those are exactly. I lean my head close to her face to hear her words, but they are not even above a whisper and barely formed.


No one should ever have to see their mom die this way. It is indescribable; the desire to give her comfort and yet be unable to. She had tears in her eyes as I struggled to move her and change her underclothes. She does not want me to help her but she is powerless to help herself. As I see to her most personal needs, I feel like a traitor, knowing that she feels humiliated. 


This is the reality of caregiving. 


Hospice has offered many times to move her into a group home so that someone else would take care of her, giving the family a break. A nurse would hold her head and coax her mouth open for oral medication. A trained aid would help her use a bedpan and wash her up. A night assistant would cover her with a blanket and turn out the lights as she moaned and turned about.


How could I let that happen? May God forgive me if I am not the one to wipe away her tears and hold her hand as she labors for breath. I know that this is hard, but not being there for her would be harder. I thank God for allowing me to be here and for allowing me to serve her in any small way I can.


I cried before my dear friends Bill and Stephanie this past weekend. I was talking about my mom, and how she had always loved me, no matter what I had done wrong, she just loved me so much. 


There is nothing that would keep me from her side.

A weekend to remember

Hello Everyone!

What an exciting post to share with you all today! I know many of you were praying for us that we would be able to take my mom on a long weekend to a resort in Indio, and we made it! I was really unsure if we could go because mom was not having a good week prior to our leaving and I went up there on Tuesday, the week of, to help out since she was not able to eat much or take care of herself. Well, God is an awesome God, because within 3 days time she was all perked up, packed up, and feeling like a spring chicken, headed off for a weekend adventure!

 

Let me back up a bit first; For those who don’t know, I have a wonderful friend Charm, who is herself facing a cancer battle with Thyroid cancer and even as I type this, she is recovering from surgery yesterday to remove 3 cancerous tumors from her neck. Please pray for my dear friend, her husband Glenn and her son Grant as they journey through this trial that has lasted the past 8 years. She has such a giving heart and such a generous spirit and truly allows God’s glory to shine through her.

She called me up a month ago and told me she wanted my family to have their timeshare points to take my mom anywhere we wanted to go and to make memories together. I was stunned! She had only just gotten the news that her own cancer situation was worsening, and here she was taking time to call me from City of Hope and tell me to take care of my mom. 

What but the love of Christ would inhabit someone in such a way? This woman is amazing… she won’t let me say that, she would tell me, “No, God is amazing.” My response is always, “but you are showing us even more ways in which He is amazing!” I love that woman.

So we packed up on Friday, just over a week ago, and headed to Indio. Now you should know my family by now, so you would understand that I had joked with mom about doing a Thelma and Louise stunt off the top of the mountain near Joshua Tree where we were going to pass through, cheekily, mom was all for it! However, we really did have almost that experience when I tried to pass a crawling semi-truck and came about 10 feet from kissing the grill of another SUV at 75 MPH! Last time I let mom tell me when to, “Go! Go now!”

Thankfully, we arrived without further incident and without mom giving any more directions. I will sum up our weekend by saying it was relaxing and memorable. It was everything I had hoped it would be. We had a spacious, three bedroom condominium with a nice view of the heated pool… or I should say pools, since there were 5 to choose from! There was plenty of space to sprawl out and eat, talk, watch movies and just sit peaceably in silence with each other. Yes, God is indeed good.

So I leave you with a few pictures and sincere thanks to each of you who prayed for this situation. Your prayers were indeed answered and your faith has proven itself, once again, strong and true.

I love you all and I will update you again on mom soon.

Sarah

health update and a time for reflection

Hello friends,


I am writing this with a heavy heart. I wanted to share with you the news this week for mom. Yesterday morning I received a call from my aunt. She was worried about mom. Wanda called her that morning to ask for help that day, she was in a lot of pain and was struggling.


That would not seem so bad except that my mom has NEVER asked for help for anything. EVER. She always says she is fine and I talk to her almost daily and she always says she is okay. Even the day before she said she was fine. That was obviously not true.


So my aunt and sister went over there to help out and my sister called me last night to let me know how she is doing. She is very weak, although mobile still, she is only able to use the restroom and walk about 60 seconds before tiring. She is in excruciating pain and her medication has to be increased, hopefully that will come through later today.


What concerns me most is that she cannot eat hardly at all. She has a desire to eat, but her stomach hurts already, and when she eats, it is downright painful. She can only manage 2-3 bites at the most of anything. This is a sign that the cancer is most likely in her stomach.


I truly feel that we are so close to the edge of time that I am praying that she even makes it through next month. I know that when a person stops eating, or has to, the body is mostly done with the fight. 


Next weekend we had planned to take my mom away to Palm Springs to a resort to rest and enjoy some quiet time with family. I am not sure she will make it now. I am praying that God will grant her this one last time with us. She loves so much to spend time with family, and she loves these little trips. I will pray every day that His will for her care will be known.


I have such a heaviness at this time, a worry about her comfort, her care. But I am not sure how to live life and deal with my feelings about her at the same time. I am struggling with wanting to get up there and be there for her and still maintain a semblance of family, school and work here. I see the coming void in my life when she is gone, it fills me with a certain heaviness.


So I write this to you all to let you know that I feel time is short. She is slowly fading and she may be gone soon. We have already had to tremendous blessing of having her here with us for this long that I can only sing praises to God for His gift to us all. 


Please join me in thanking our wonderful God for my mom, her life, and her legacy.


Until next time,
Sarah

End of year update on my mom

hello everyone!


It's been a while my friends. My last update was May of this year. I know, I know. I just seemed to run out of time. After a while I think that became my permanent excuse. Thank you Lisa Richards for asking for an update via Facebook. It forced me to write something down, so why not resurrect the blog?


OK... a bit of our year. Most of you know that last Memorial Day mom leaned over in bed and her hip and L4 Lumbar (spine) fractured. The cancer had spread into those areas, making them weak and susceptible to breaking without any originating stress. Mom spent almost 2 weeks in the hospital and had surgery to secure a titanium rod from her hip to her knee. This stabilized the area to allow the bones to heal. 


The problem was, bones that are full of cancer cannot heal. As recommended by her doctor, she had to undergo 3 weeks of radiation treatment. During that time we were so blessed to have her move in with us so that I could care for her. I was so thankful for this time with my mother. 


If any of you know her, you know how hard it is to "take care" of my mom. She does not let you take care of her, she takes care of you. Broken bones or not, she was trying to cook and take care of us. I thought I might have to wrestle her plaid, flannel bottom back into the hospital bed at times! That woman is beautiful and stubborn all-in-one.


By the grace and healing of our Lord, she was able to walk again a month later. And trust me, she was up and running! She spent the remainder of her summer and fall tinkering around the garden and doing some of the things she loves to do.


Her big brother, Glenn, was able to come for a visit from Texas in late October and she felt good enough to run around with him and the rest of the siblings. What a hoot those 4 can be when they are unleashed! They came down here for a visit and I was able to take some pictures of them at my studio in between all the laughter. I snuck some video in too, I know how much I am going to treasure that down the road.


I have noticed however, that lately she has not been sounding as strong. The last time I saw her, she was certainly more weak. Last Friday she found out that the cancer has spread to her brain. There are several tumors bulging out of her skin. Recently, two of them have begun to deteriorate the flesh in those areas. The cancer has truly spread to every area of her body and is taking her life from her.


This was a tough weekend. On Sunday morning, as I sat listening to my dear friend Carolyn give a testimony to her christian walk and how influential her mom has been in her life. I could not help it, the leaking began! I could not hold back the tears because I could not agree more! My mom has meant everything to me and has truly helped to mold me into the woman I am today. Her gentle encouragement and unwavering faith have been my guide for the past thirty something years. 


We have been told that she has only a few months left. She won't be able to come down and visit me anymore like she used to. She won't be able to teach me how to sew or can my own fruits and vegetables. She will not see Emma graduate or Christian drive his first car. But she taught me how to garden, how to cook, and most importantly, how to love without holding back. She has been there for my kids for everything... she has been the best Grandmother they could have ever hoped for.




I love you mom, so much. I look forward to these next few months (and any extra time that the Lord may provide) that we will share. I know that you are loved very deeply by so many. Praise God that He gave you to us, praise Him that you were able to spend so much time with us since your diagnosis. And, praise Him that your legacy will be one of faith, hope and much love...


Until next time,
Sarah

Update on Mom's health and birthday wishes

hello!


It's been a while since our last chat. Many of you know I was gone in the Philippines on our trip to visit the mission field. Mom worried about us quite a bit because of the areas we were traveling to. It's kind of interesting that all the moms out there never quit worrying about their "babies" no matter their age, do they? But the Lord still has plans for us so I am still here to write to you, safe and sound.


Mom recently had another scan which revealed that the cancer is indeed spreading, her timeframe for quality life was reduced to 6-12 months at the most. That is less than what they had said when she was undergoing the City of Hope treatments. As always, she is taking everything with grace and dignity.


Her spirits are doing very well and guess what? It's her birthday this weekend! So Garrett, the kids and I are headed up to Apple Valley to visit her on Saturday afternoon. Just in time for Mother's Day as well. I am pleased to spend every moment with my mom that I can. But one more exciting thing comes first... what to buy her for her birthday?!!!

Girls Road Trip - Part Deuce!

Our beautiful Mother, Wanda Eck

Our adventure continues. Our Sunday was spent driving down to Carmel. That was one place mom wanted to see while we were there. The first stop was in down town Monterey. Sarah decided it was photo time so we parked and her and I walked down to the beach area. The view was amazing and the walk way went for miles. The only problem is it ran along the 30 foot cliff!

What were we thinking climbing over this?!!

Sooooo… I get a hair-brained idea, look at Sarah and say "lets climb down the cliff to a little beach area and take pictures there." Now vision this, two 6ft tall and taller women wearing Ugg boots, with cameras around our neck and me caring a purse. I start the descent with Sarah not far behind me and we make it to the bottom without any problems. We take a few pictures and decide that we better head back up.

The view when we climbed down was worth it.

As we start the climb up we realize that Ugg boots, wet sand, cameras and a purse are a bad combo for climbing cliffs. A crowd that is now developing at the top confirms that we must look like two blondes that didn’t realize that climbing in boots with purses is like smelling a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool! Let me tell you it didn’t take Sarah and I long to figure out a system and get back to the top with minimal issues and a lot of sweat in places that normally don’t sweat.

We walk back to the car to find Vickie and Mom sitting in the back seat laughing with no clue that we just scaled a cliff in the name of nature. Back on the road we head for the well know stretch of highway called the "17 mile drive." As we arrive, we notice that it is blocked off by barricades. With no clue why its blocked off we have no choice but to head down the main highway heading to Carmel. Later we find out that the road was block because of some big golf tournament with big name players like Tiger Woods.

We finally reach Carmel and drive through down town and decide that we are way to tired to walk the shops so we head back towards the beach house deciding that we are gonna eat lunch at Fisherman’s Warf located in Monterey on pier 39. Laughing all the way there, making fun of Vickie because she has to hold her neck every time Sarah comes to a stop. Vickie had neck surgery in January and Sarah drives like Mario Andretti so it was not a good combination. She did this thing where she would hold her neck with her elbows extended out to either side like a chicken. She would shout out “Stopsign!” and then grab her neck really quickly. It was so funny to see her sitting there with her arms all chicken-like, big round eyes, rotating left and right to see if any cars were about to hit us! Poor aunt Vickie!

Margaritaville... Carmel style!

Once again we arrive at our destination having to potty so bad we walk/ran to the first bathroom we could find at the pier. Ok ok, it really wasn’t the bathroom that drew us to the restaurant we went into, it was the sign out front that said happy hour! I elbowed my thru my family to go into this quant little seafood place and run to the bar telling the bartend that I was in dire need for a $3.00 Margarita. By the time the girls found me I was on round two enjoying a love convo with the salt on the rim of my glass.

Titanic Sarah

A few drinks later we are once again laughing uncontrollably, tears running down our face and I swear I head Vickie snort a few times. For those that know how we are when we get together, throw in a happy hour and we even laugh at how retarded we can get. Happy as can be we load up and head back to the beach house so we can relax and watch the sunset one last time before we have to head back home. Let me tell you that that evening is filled with crazy pics of Sarah re-enacting the Titanic scene on the landing of the 3rd floor, Mom laughing at her wig on the coffee table that looked like some a gremlin with big ears and Vickie down stairs trying to figure out how to use the remote to the tv and having no success. Whew...thank goodness I was there because it truly was site straight out of that movie, one who flew over the coo coo's nest!

Yes I almost to the end of this story and it is the last day of out trip. As much as we didn’t want to, we all packed up our things and loaded the car to get started on the 7 hour drive home. The trip back was similar to the one there, full of laughter, potty breaks and lots of stops for photo ops.

Just as we get to the last stretch of our road trip I notice Sarah gripping the steering wheel tightly and looking like she just saw a ghost. Mom and Vic have no clue what’ going on because as usual they are in the back seat laughing so hard at nothing in particular because neither one can even finish a sentence. Sarah gets the car pulled over on the side of the 5 freeway in the middle of nowhere on the grapevine. I have no signal on my phone, Sarah’s is almost dead, Mom left here phone in her car back at Sarah’s house and Vickies phone only has signal if you hold it out the window.

Sarah gets her AAA card out and realizes that her membership ended on that day (thank you Jesus that it was still good) so she calls and finds out that we are 30 miles from the closest town that has a repair shop and they are closed so we cant get it fixed till the next morning. They dispatch a tow truck and we call our brother Tim to see if they can come get us and put us up for the night. Thank the good lord above that his wife was able to come pic us up and that they were only 30 minutes away also. The tow truck driver arrives and it is only a single cab truck. Now mind you there is four of us plus him. Sarah gets out to talk to him and Mom, Vic and I are in the car laughing about who knows what and fogging up the windows. I am almost sure that tow truck driver looked at us a few times with that "what did I get myself into" look.

After a few minutes of them talking Sarah walks back to the car and tells us that he is going to have to load us onto the back of the flatbed trailer and that we are gonna have to ride back there until we arrive at the repair shop. He also said that because it is against the law to do this we would have to refrain from sticking our hands out the window, turning on any lights and refrain from taking pictures with the flash on. Yes we had been taking picture when we were sitting there, because we needed reminders that only we can break down in the middle of no-where and have that much fun while Sarah is trying to get her car towed to the repair shop. We agree and get loaded on the back of this tow truck when our sister in law arrives. Because we are already load she was informed that she would have to follow us into town and where he would unload the car at the repair shop and then she could then pick us up. After a long night and much laughter we arrive to my brothers get settled in and after lots of giggling in the dark like kids at camp, we pass out from exhaustion ( ok sarah once again its one am and my brain cant figure out how to spell this darn word!)

We are being loaded on the tow truck!

We all arrive home the next day wore out but truly happy and truly realizing that god is amazing and has truly blessed us with the opportunity to go on this trip and also to have his protection a blessing to make it through the car breaking down and for us to be able to turn it into an amazingly fun experience! We are also truly blessed to be able to share this time with our mother and build amazing memories that we will cherish for years to come! I just want to say thank you to my amazing sister Sarah who worked hard to plan this entire trip, find that amazing beach house and to all those that donated to Wanda’s bucket list making it possible for us to do this. Also to the lady that gave us such an amazing price on the beach house making it possible to for us to stay there. I hope you all enjoy reading this as much as we did living it.

Always,

Tammy

The girls trip to a beach house: Part I

Hey everyone,

Sarah asked me to update you on the wonderful trip we had to Monterey Bay Feb 12^th-14th. What a memorable trip it was! I just want to start by saying that putting aunt Vickie and our mom in the same car for any amount of time is dangerous. The hysterical laughing started before we ever left Vicki’s street at about 5:30pm on Friday night. By the time we finally arrived at Sarah’s house it was already 8pm and I was on the verge of wetting my pants! My stomach hurt so bad from laughing that it felt like I had done 100 sit ups.


Poor Sarah, who was slowly recovering from a terrible flu she had been fighting for weeks, answered the door to a group of cackling hens that she swears smelled like pee pee. She was kidding after all but it made the trip even more thematic. After shuffling our 20 plus suitcases, bags and other mysterious packages inside, we enjoyed some time visiting with Sarah and the family before we settled in for bed. Being the travel nazi that Sarah is, we had a 6am departure time!

At 5:30am Mom is waking everyone up so we can get ready and load the Tahoe for the long, seven hour trip. Thanks to Garrett, the car was quickly loaded and we were on our way, excited and ready to feel the wind in our hair! Um… and our wigs!

My brother Tim and I

We made it about five miles before we decided that we needed coffee and candy, thank you Starbucks and Walmart for helping us start the day off right! About an hour and a half into the trip we communally decide that we were going to make another stop at my brother Tim’s house. We have to love my brother and his wife for this, who else would take a 7:45am call with 4 surprise guest… did I mention hungry, surprise guests? My sister-in-law “whipped up” some eggs, coffee cake, turkey bacon and coffee for us and I must say I could get used to this dropping in stuff. But we had a place to get, so after a few bad jokes and merciless, sibling teasing, we were back on the road heading for Monterey Bay.

As we are rolling down Interstate 5 chatting, laughing and enjoying the beautiful scenery, I was startled by loud “thump” and a high pitch voice yelling "SLUG BUG!" Startled, I look over at Sarah, who is supposed to be driving, and she has this crazed, cat woman look as if she just hit some mysterious jack pot!

Mom and I being ourselves!

She looks over at me, wagging a single finger, and yells "that’s one for me!" I could not help but laugh at her slightly insane finger gestures when I hear a shout from the backseat, "its on!" This from sweet aunt Vickie? Apparently the idea is to spot every Volkswagen Bug on the road and shout “Slug Bug!” while beating the tar out of the roof (in case anyone in the next zip code missed the shouting) all to prove you are the first to spot it and then (drum roll please) you get a point. Huh… I am now convinced that my family is insane and this “game” is gonna get violent!

For the next 3 hours the roof of that car took a serious beating and a few of us innocent bystanders had a near death experience from flying fists (that would be mom and I.) Little did I know that people took this game serious and you had better stay out of fist range if you wanted keep from seeing little stars. If you have ever seen the length of my sister’s arms then you would probably have just crawled onto the floor of the car and rode there the entire trip! Had you happened to be driving on that freeway that early Saturday morning, you would be thinking that four women just escaped from ward B at the local looney bin!

Take them back to the looney bin!

Around 12pm, appetites were kicking in and so we began scanning for somewhere to get a bite to eat, having run out of relatives that live along the route. We spot a rest stop off the highway in the middle of nowhere and I get excited because I see a Subway. Five dollar Foot Longs in February here we come!

We pile out of the car and I elbow my way through the front door first and run to get in line because little did I realize that Starbucks and Reeses Peanut Butter Cups would not sustain me for the rest of the stop-and-go journey. I get my Footlong, pick a table and am well into the second half when I look up and Mom, Sarah and Vickie are standing there, jaws open, just staring at me. I wipe the mayo and lettuce particles from my chin, give them a dirty look and say, "WHAT???? IM HUNGRY!" Ignoring them, I put my nose back to my food and sang “Footlong February” to my own tune.

The "incident" at the lake!

As we finish up our $5 lunches, Vicki wraps up the second half of her foot long, tucking it neatly into her bag. Mom and Sarah also wrap up the second half of their Footlongs talking some nonsense about saving it for dinner. So I gather up the remnants of lettuce and onion pieces, scattered in the vacant spot where my Footlong sat about four minutes ago, and throw them in the trash. Without looking back I trudged to exit door, no longer hungry and decide to graciously hold the door for them, after all I had two free hands since I didn’t have to carry the other half of my sandwich!

Back on the road again we are back to laughing and teasing each other. Most of the jokes geared toward the old ladies in the back seat (he he, still going!). The merciless jesting continued until we had tears rolling down our faces, tummies hurting and in desperate need of a restroom.

We pull off the highway, lured by a sign directing us to a roadside fruit and nut stand that boasted "free wine tasting." How excited are we...fruits, nuts and FREE wine, Jackpot! It was quite a bit more than a “stand” and had a restaurant, store, candy store & coffee ship and a few kids rides. First order of business, we find the restroom and then decide to wander around and see how much trouble we can get into.

We love our mamma!

One of us spotted a pond and we all decide its photo time. Sarah takes a few pictures of us and then tells Vic to take a picture of her, mom and I. So my obliging aunt stands back, aims the camera and tells us to say “cheese.” We wait… and we wait… and she finally yells, ”Tammy! What button do I push?” I look down at the camera in her hand and barely control my laughter saying " well first turn the camera right side up and then push the little silver button on top."

We all bust out laughing and a lady who was sitting on a nearby rock witnessing the picture taking event starts laughing. She tells Vickie "Im sorry but that was so funny even I had to laugh!" The rest of our time there was filled with crazy pictures, lots of laughing and acting like children. Naturally all of the other people there wondered which looney bin we had escaped from. We never did find any free wine though.

A few hours and eleven Slug Bugs later we finally arrive to the beach house! Lets just say that it is an amazing three-story home that we entered on the third floor level through the front door. Just inside the front door there was a bedroom, bathroom and a landing that was open down to the second floor. The whole back side of the house is full glass windows that open up to a balcony overlooking the beach.

The main floor has a living area, kitchen, bathroom and a media room. I quickly claim the media room as my own bedroom and can feel my excitement grow as I continue to explore. Down the stairs to the bottom floor has two bedrooms that both open up to another deck. That deck has stairs that take you down to the beach.

Sisters

Words cannot describe how amazing this house is! We all finished choosing our rooms, so excited to each have our own room, and unloaded the car. Sarah commented quite a few times on how many bags we had all packed… Having been sick I think she was tempted to just throw them from the top landing!

That evening we sat out on the patio eating dinner that mom had prepared ahead of time and sipping various cocktails. We watched the sunset from the patio of the beach house and marveled that it was the first time for mom to be staying in a beach house. The look on our mothers face was priceless.

We began to plot our the adventures for the next day but little did we know how much trouble and laughter were waiting for us!

Tune in for part II next time!

Affectionately,

Tammy